Welcome to The Political Thesaurus

Contrary to popular belief, ‘Roget’s Thesaurus’ is not, in fact, a delightfully charming story about a French speaking dinosaur, but a studiously and painstakingly compiled list of synonyms and antonyms, providing invaluable assistance for those what want to write words good, and that!!

Even less well-known, believe it or not, is the fact that a very special, very specific version of this ‘tool for budding lexicographers’ has been available to “Politicos”, for aeons, allowing them to distract and mislead, and then, if necessary, subsequently justify language that those of us not in possession of said book would clearly consider lies – providing hitherto unknown definitions of their words and phrases.

Examples of usage can be found as far back as Nero (‘Fire?, nah, don’t know what you’re on about mate – now, how’s this for a choon!!’), traced through Nixon (‘I am not a crook’ – where a crook is a shepherds staff, obviously), and more recently made a massive comeback during the reign of Messrs Tony and George (anything to do with ‘mass destruction’ or indeed the very fabric of “time” being the most obvious examples!).

And it’s not just those paragons of virtue actually elected to public office that have access to this book. Oh no!! Journalists seem to have managed to blag a copy too (unconfirmed reports suggest that it came free with ‘how to misinterpret statistics and extrapolate from stuff like nobody’s fucking business’).

So anyways, this being the age of the internet, and, more recently, leaky-leaky type shenanigans, we here at ‘The Political Thesaurus’ have decided to get in on the act. At great risk to our own personal safety (paper cuts and the like!), we have managed to obtain a copy of this top-secret tome (which, to be fair, somebody helpfully left in the lavatory of the 18:03 from Euston St.).

As and when we feel we are safe to do so, we shall endeavour to highlight and dissect the messages given us, the general public, by the politicians, be it directly, or via the interpretive medium of ‘journalism’.

Make no mistake, this will, undoubtedly, see us the target of some vicious and co-ordinated attacks from those who just don’t want you to know this shit, yet undaunted, we will persevere, against all enemies to truth, all agents of lies and misrepresentation, and against those who wish to damage and denigrate the good name of we who seek only transparency and justice.

(That said, allow me to pre-emptively declare that any allegations involving any TPT staff members, a pot noodle and copy of Smash Hits are a bunch of fucking lies...)

That, good people, is our mission statement - Our call to arms, and our invitation to you, lovers of truth, to join us. Welcome to The Political Thesaurus!!

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Competition Time

At the moment, we can’t help but get the impression that nobody’s really reading our efforts here at TPT, but despite this, we’re going to press on regardless.

This is mainly because

a) We’ve actually got nothing better to do, and because

b) We reckon that even the iconoclastic Galileo was often subjected to “No, Mr Galileo Galilei, we don’t want to look at your revised, heliocentric working model of the solar-system, no matter how shocking it may be, because frankly, we’ve got more important shit to be getting on with”!!

However, given our, *ahem*, limited readership, and given that it’s so very nearly Christmas, and the mandatory obscene-photocopies-from-the-Xmas-party are unlikely to make themselves, we’re going to take a slightly different tack today.

What we’re going to do, in fact, is allow you to experience what it’s like to be a poorly paid intern here at the TPT office. In a dizzying display of festive generosity, we’re giving you, Dear Reader, the opportunity to lay into this:

This being the age of the interwebs, you don’t even need a postcard or a stamp to play. Just bang your efforts in the comment box and press enter. The best submission, posted before January 3rd 2011, receives a Tetley teabag and a copy of the Lib Dem manifesto.

Happy Posting, and Merry Christmas!!


  1. Oh Damn - I really really wanted that tea-bag. But I only lasted 14 seconds into The Vid and had to close it down. Premature rejeculation !

  2. HAHA - Brilliant!!

    (I Reckon you deserve a teabag for 'rejeculation'!!)