Finally for today, we here at TPT would like to pre-empt any accusations of partisanship (we’re very much equal opportunity haters here, actually), so here is one example of the opposition employing, to spectacular effect, The Political Thesaurus.
Back when he was a-campaigning to finally and conclusively “learn his big brother for dead-arming him loads and that”, and, almost incidentally, become the new, New Labour Leader, Ed MiliVanilli was asked if he would be attending the protest rally due to be held by unions and, according to The Daily Mail, ‘other raging Commies’ on the 19th October 2010.
His answer was short, sharp, and some would say, definitive:
“I’ll attend the rally, definitely”
Subsequently, given that use of the word ‘definitely’, many amongst us were left somewhat mystified when said rally came, and then went, without so much as a token drive-by from Eddie ‘The Edster’ Miliband. Some scrabbled around in the dirt, amongst their broken dreams and sense of abandonment, for obvious explanations, and cries of ‘it’s an apolitical thing, innit!’, and ‘he wasn’t invited anyway’ were put forth in a vain attempt to mask the sickening sound of breaking hearts.
Amidst such confusion and devastation, however, we kept our heads, and we began to look for clues in the TPT, and, as is often the case, our results proved interesting.
Turns out, you see, that when a politician says ‘definitely’, particularly when they’re “pre-election”, it actually has fuck-all basis in the reality land that we all know and love.
What it actually means, is:
‘right now, because I’ve calculated my answer to suit my particular audience, and knowing that all you chumps will shortly be drawing crosses on a paper with your stubby, malformed hands, I’m going to say what you want to hear, but, after that, after you’ve taxed your little brains voting for ME, I’m going to fuck right off and do whatever the hell I likes.....’
Or, in some cases, simply:
Wow – who knew.....?
But there you go folks. Even with a simple word like ‘definitely’, it’s fucking mental out there!!